Storm Break
by Tijuana Pirate
Summary: This is Tifa's story the night that she discovers that Cloud is about to leave her to finally go off and look for Aeris


Song: Constellation  
  
Band: The Juliana Theory  
  
Subject: Final Fantasy VII  
  
Note: Okay, wish me luck. This is my first actual, true fan-fic. It's based on FF7, set a few months after the end of the game. This is Tifa's story.  
  
Storm Break  
  
Some things can never be explained, why every sky still looks the same  
  
Tifa stepped to her window. It was a beautiful night. The sky was full of stars. There were clouds on the horizon though and in the air she tasted rain. The wind blew in through her open shutters, rustling the drapes. They billowed out and surrounded her. She felt half a ghost, watching the world in the silent, still night. Not a soul stirred. She could see all of Kalm from her window but it was deserted this late at night. If she strained her eyes, she fancied that perhaps she could the distant black shadow of what had once been Midgar. It's funny, she thought. Everything had changed since then, but nothing was different. The stars still shone, the night still held its beauty and its mysteries. The sky was eternal. It had looked the same the night at the well, the night they had destroyed the reactor, the night Aeris had died. It never changed. Perhaps she should take comfort in that. Hadn't that what they had been fighting for? To enjoy one more night like this? If that was so, why did her victory feel so hollow?  
  
And I wonder how my world would look without you  
  
After all, they had won, hadn't they? Sephiroth was gone, the Planet was safe, life went on. Well, for other people maybe. Not for her. Not really. And not for Cloud either. Cloud. he was asleep downstairs. The sad thing was they hadn't had anything to go home to. Barrett had had Marlene, Red Cosmo Canyon, Yuffie had ran off on another adventure, Cid had gone home to his rocket and his dreams of stars, Vincent had left to find Lucrecia, but what had Tifa and Cloud had left? Nibleheim was a twisted parody of lost memories and Midgar was gone. So they had settled here, to a life that really didn't feel like their own. Tifa worked in a café; Cloud did odd jobs around town. Together, they made enough the rent their house. Three months, gone to that. She was grateful for every moment she spent with Cloud but somehow it didn't feel real. She knew they were both just waiting, like the calm before a storm. Sometimes, she saw him starring off at the horizon, just looking, not really moving. She knew what he was searching for, what he longed to do. She knew what was coming but she was afraid. Instead, she just tried not to think about it. Maybe every day was a victory and every moment a chance to live a little bit longer. Why think about the future when the present was all they had ever really had?  
  
Some things can never be explained like how our scars remain the same  
  
She could live in the present. She lived when she was cleaning glasses, walking at market, sitting by the fire. Then, she didn't have to think about the past. The pointless tedium of the thousand everyday chores of a "normal" life filled up her conscious hours, dulling her to a pleasant oblivion. Then, the past was just a moment in time, the future indefinite. But on nights like tonight, when she couldn't sleep, and the sky begged recollection, she couldn't help but think about everything, the battles they had fought, the losses they had suffered, and the pain they had endured. But there had been joy, hadn't there? Didn't that count for anything? Perhaps the future was what scared her the most. She knew she couldn't stop what was coming and so she did nothing. She didn't tell Cloud that she loved him; she didn't beg him not to go. No, she did nothing. It was exactly what she had done when Aeris had died, when Cloud had handed over the Black Materia and their doom, when he had fallen from the reactor. Absolutely nothing. God, would she ever be free from her doubt, her pain?  
  
And I wonder how the sky would look without my star  
  
Dimly, she heard a faint thrum of thunder. Above the hills, lightning flashed. Soon, the stars would be blotted out. She sighed. She wouldn't sleep this night of memories. Everything was too fresh. Suddenly, she was child again, the night at the well. Promise me, that if I'm ever in trouble, and you hear about it, that you'll come rescue me, k? Promise me Cloud. One night. It bled to another. Aeris, praying in the Ancient City. Sephiroth, descending like a black angel, and the long, cold sword stealing her friend from her. Cloud, the funeral. Aeris sinking away in the sparkling lake. Another. Cloud, when she had found him in Mideel, dead to the world, lost in his own mind. Cloud, the night before they had left for the crater, their one night alone together before the end of their world. Cloud, Cloud, Cloud. What was she without him? What was her life without him? It had always been Cloud, hadn't it? Pain and love seemed intermingled, a long, unending cycle. Above it all, there had been Aeris. She had been trapped in the cycle just like Tifa. If only she had been able to hate Aeris. It would have been so much easier had she been just a normal person. Perhaps then, Tifa could have afforded to be jealous. But not Aeris. No, there was no one like Aeris. She had a way of drawing people to her and she had touched everyone she met. If only she could hate her. Hate her because Cloud loved her. Hate her because, even in death, she was still first in his heart. Hate her, because Cloud was going to leave her to find Aeris and it was only a matter of time.  
  
Sleep seems a dream away and a year too late  
  
Time. The truth was she had too much of it. She wasn't going to sleep tonight. She gave up and headed downstairs. Maybe Cloud was awake too? Maybe all she really needed was someone to talk to. He had loved Aeris too. Maybe, they could find their answers together. She crept down the stairs quietly. She didn't want to wake him if he was sleeping. Thunder rolled again and rain drummed against the house. The fire had burned low downstairs. Funny that that was the first thing she noticed. The second were the covers that lay strewn on the floor, the couch were Cloud slept empty. The third, was him, back turned, the door open. God, she thought. Tonight, it's tonight. Please no, I'm not ready. If only she had stayed upstairs. If only time could stop right now, so she could live in the present forever. A moment later he would be gone. If only she could live like this forever and nothing would have to change. She must have made some noise because he turned and looked at her. God, it was too much. She slumped against the wall, head down, but never really taking her eyes off him. If only she could say something but her tongue was frozen. And so she did nothing. It was all she could do.  
  
Words that can't be spoken stream off my face  
  
She couldn't speak but her eyes said it all. She knew, because he couldn't look at her. He tried, he really did. But he couldn't hold her gaze so he looked away, at the wall to his side. She was screaming at him, silently. Love, pain, memories, joy, happiness, sadness, it was too much to put into words. It was all too much. She knew she couldn't make him stay but she couldn't just let him leave. So instead, they stood there, silent, unable to move, the rain drumming out the passage of time. She knew she was crying, silently, as all her tears had fallen. She wanted to shout and him. She wanted to scream that Aeris was dead and that she loved him. Wasn't that enough? Didn't it count for anything at all? Didn't it? Please, don't let it end like this. Not like this.  
  
I want to be selfish; you are my everything  
  
She knew that he wanted to find Aeris; some part of her wanted it too. She wanted to see her friend again. She wanted to laugh with her, they way they had before. She wanted so much. But Aeris was gone. Whatever he had seen, whatever he had felt, it didn't change that, did it? Love can't hold a person in this world. Tifa knew that all too well. He was leaving her. It didn't matter in the least that she loved him. She knew he was hurting. She knew that it was killing him. She didn't care. She didn't care if Aeris really was waiting. It wasn't fair! She loved him! He was everything to her! She was dieing too! She might as well have been dead. Damn it, didn't she count? Didn't it matter? It wasn't too much to ask, was it? She just wanted to be with him. It didn't matter if he loved someone else. It didn't matter if he didn't love her. He was everything she had. She just wanted to be with him. Was that too much to ask? Hadn't she earned some happiness? Hadn't they all?  
  
Some things can never be explained, why does your love remain unchanged  
  
Life was full of hard questions. They were the ones without any answers. How do you stop loving a person? How do you live with half a heart? How do you keep going when there's nothing left to look forward to? When is it time to give up? Oh Cloud. She understood, she really did. She had loved Aeris too. She had been there the entire time, the good times and the bad. She had been a part of their fight. Too many times, she had wanted to give up. Hope was a terrible thing to lose. But they had won, hadn't they? Why couldn't he just be happy? Why couldn't they find their lives, together? Where was their happy ending? When they had been fighting, she had never once imagined it would be so hard to stop. Was Fate so cruel? Or maybe there was no Fate, no God. Maybe it didn't matter one way or another that the Planet had been saved. Maybe there was no heaven or hell, no Promised Land to find. Maybe, in the end, they only had their little measly lives to live out, until they withered away and died, unnoticed, unloved.  
  
Because I know it wouldn't be the same without you  
  
She tired to speak and couldn't. Instead she thought, prove me wrong Cloud. Close the door. Show me that there are happy times to look forward to. Show me that it wasn't all for nothing. Please, do it for me. I love you Cloud. I truly do. Maybe, maybe together we could find something to live for. Please, you're all I have. Close the door. Come back to me. Please. But she couldn't speak and the door stayed open.  
  
Sleep seems a dream away and a year too late  
  
This was insane. She had to do something. Say something. Come on Tifa. Be strong. If only she hadn't come down. If only. if only what? She would have found him gone in the morning and then she never would have had a chance. Come on Tifa. Get up. Stand up. Do something. Do anything. Anything! It took everything she had to push herself off of the wall. She took a deep, steadying breath. A wiped the tears from her cheeks. One, faltering step after another, she walked over to him. Be strong.  
  
Words that can't be spoken stream off your face  
  
The few meters between them seemed an entire world. She crossed it, hesitatingly, but she made it over. She reached the door. She looked up at him, into his eyes. They were beautiful. There was no other word. They shimmered with an inner fire, the finest shade of blue she had ever seen. She wished she could lose herself in those eyes, swimming in their hidden depths. They crackled with power, and with pain. God, the pain she saw there. Unintentional, she reached out and took his hand. It a sword hand, callused. She ran her fingers over them and encased his hand in both of hers. With his free hand, he touched her hair, carefully, and drew her close. She lay billowed against his chest, not thinking, just enjoying the moment. She understood now. He couldn't speak either; she had seen it in his eyes. For reasons of his own, his voice was gone. But, she understood what he was trying to say. Oh God, he was so sorry. He never meant to hurt her. And. and he knew. that.. The realisation struck her suddenly. He knew that she loved him. She went rigid, suddenly afraid. It was all too much. Love, pain, joy, sadness, fear, it was all too much and so she clutched him close, unwilling to let go and he held her tighter. Maybe, just maybe, did she feel a little love in return?  
  
Please don't forget my name  
  
She was tired of crying. She didn't want to hurt anymore. She just held him and was held and took some comfort in it.  
"Tifa." He said he name so softly, she thought she might have imagined it but he repeated it and she made some small noise to show that she heard him. She still couldn't talk but she could listen.  
"Tifa, I, I have to go." The tears nearly broke through again but she held them back. She didn't want to cry anymore.  
"She's out there, somewhere, and I, I have to find her."  
". I know." She surprised herself. She hadn't even thought about the words. But she knew that they were true. She had known ever since that night at the crater that he would have to go. She knew him too well. He couldn't rest until he knew the truth. Either, he would come back with Aeris, or he would finally learn that she was truly dead and no matter how much he wanted it, she was never, ever going to come back. She couldn't keep him here, not anymore. She only hoped that he would remember her. She only hoped that if, one day, he couldn't find Aeris, that he would come back to her. She hoped that, whatever happened, he would remember that she loved him no matter what and that she would always be there for him. Like she had always been. Like she always would be. She knew what she had to do then. It was like a ray of light through a break in the cloud cover. She wasn't afraid anymore. And she wasn't going to cry.  
  
And take me with you when you leave  
  
She twisted around in his grasp, so that she could look into his eyes again. She could see him clearly, her gaze unclouded now, free from pain, from tears, from doubt. Slowly, achingly, she smiled. It started slowly, until she let it reach up and touch her eyes, so that her entire face sparkled. She said now, in a clear, strong voice.  
"I know Cloud. I understand. We have to find her. Let's do it. together." She sprung free and darted across the room. Laughing, she paused at the stairs.  
"Wait there! I have to get my things." She ran up the stairs two at a time back to her room where she started to pack.  
  
I've got a lot to lose  
  
She threw some clothes into a canvas bag, her money pouch, her leather training clothes, some food, little things that she would need on her journey. She felt so free. The oppressive waiting was over. They were finally doing something. The moment had come and she had chosen. They were going to go and find Aeris. together. Maybe, together, they could make sense of their life. Maybe, together, they really would find their happy ending. She looked around her room, the place she had lived for three months. It didn't really mean anything to her. That hadn't really been her life. It didn't matter to her in the least. This wasn't her life. This wasn't her home. It had been so long that she had had a place to call home that she had forgotten what that was supposed to feel like but she felt at home when she was with Cloud and when she had been with Aeris. This place, the house, it didn't mean anything but they meant everything. If she didn't go, she would lose everything she had ever held dear, everything she had ever believed in and so she packed her bags and said good-bye to the last three months.  
  
I've got to let it go  
  
She practically flew down the stairs. She had to hurry. They were waiting. She reached the lower floor.  
"Cloud I'm-" The words died in her throat. The room was empty. The door still swung open but Cloud was nowhere to be seen. She walked slowly to the door and looked out to the street. It was deserted. The rain was pouring down but the town was dead in the night. She turned around and headed back inside. Everything looked so pale, so cold. The world had died and she was the only one left. She let her bag drop to the floor. She felt the tears coming but refused to cry. God, she was so tired of crying. He didn't want her to come. The realization hurt more than anything. He had left her behind. He had gone off to find Aeris alone. There was nothing she could do anymore. She chocked back tears and balled her fists. Nothing she could do. He had left her, after all. He was gone and there was nothing she could do. Should she just give up? Let him go? But he was already gone. He had taken away her choice and now there was nothing she could do. .No. She wouldn't have it. She looked to the door again. It was still open.  
  
Please don't forget my name.  
  
She picked up her bag and went to get her jacket. She drew the hood up around her to protect her from the rain. There truly was no reason for her to stay and she had every reason to go. She was so tired of crying, of waiting, of being robbed of her choices. She wanted to do something. This time, she chose to act. Cloud might have left her but that didn't mean that she couldn't follow. Aeris was her friend too. If there was a chance to save her, she wanted to be a part of it. If she saw Cloud along the way, well, maybe, she could forgive and they could continue on together. After all, she did love him and that really did count for something. She wouldn't forget about him and she knew that he would remember her. She looked at the room behind her. Three months gone but they didn't really matter. In the end, all they had was the present. The choices they faced today made their tomorrows. Tifa was tired of simply reacting to the hand life dealt her. Now, she had the strength to choose. She turned away from her doubt and left her pain behind her. She chose to live. As she left, she closed the door. 


End file.
